I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
