operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
