That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
