So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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