so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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