he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
