I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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