glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
