Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
