i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
