I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
