I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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