you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
