oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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