im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
