I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
