what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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