I'm gonna have a badass scar
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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