He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
