You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
