the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
