Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
