I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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