"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
