I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
