No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
