I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
