he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Come on in and take your pants off
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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