her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
