you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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