through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
