My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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