i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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