great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i will never coherently bang her
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
