were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
