dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
