I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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