I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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