I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
