My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
