help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
