She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
