i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
