Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
