I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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