He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
