who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
