and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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