We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My vagina just recognized that song.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
