I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
please come you make the beer taste better
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
