You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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