I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just had sex on a roof
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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