If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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